dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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