I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
