his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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