Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
