i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
