hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
