At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
