i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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