I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
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he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
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After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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