Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
