i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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