So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
