last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
