is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
