Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
