he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize