just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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