What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
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she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
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You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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