A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I haven't been this sober since birth.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
