o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
