It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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