I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
