So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
