So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
