I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
