We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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