I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
