I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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