Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
