For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
