I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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