My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
