haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
