I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
