turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
