dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
