I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
