if i died would you start the facebook group?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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