Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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