I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Rock
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Fuck
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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