i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
