i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
