Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
