He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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