im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just found puke in my bra..
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
