omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
