Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
