Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
