guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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