Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
