I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
