Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
