I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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