we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
