Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
