sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
