Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize