She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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