I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
