Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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