she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
