You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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