What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
