I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
