My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize