the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
