i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
birth control should be required to get into college
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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