look no pants
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
