She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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