He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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