So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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