You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
