things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
