yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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