If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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