Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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