So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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