We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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