You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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