I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
